Getting into trouble is easy but getting out of it is all the fun!

“Army bases are pretty dead, unless you’re in the army, so I always had plenty of time to dream. My dream was always the same: That one day, I was going to get to Chicago. Because that’s where they make Dance TV…” That opening line has, and always will signify that for the next ninety minutes I will remain in a vegetative state, with a goofy smile on my face, fighting the urge to jump out of my seat and dance around in my lounge room.

I really do love these movies, and I’m not ashamed to say that. I have Footloose, Flashdance, plus countless other 80′s dance movies and I have seen them all a million times, but I haven’t watched any of them as much as I have watched Girls Just Want To Have Fun. I have older sisters, and I probably first saw this movie when I was about six years old, and I have watched it religiously ever since. It was a blessing when I got my DVD, and I’ve enjoyed re-introducing it to people who enjoyed it when they were younger too, but had sadly forgotten all about it. I decided I’d crack out the ol’ laptop and slap down a review for one of my favourite cheeseball classics, that no matter how I feel before I put it on, always makes me happy.

Janie Glen is the daughter of a strict ex army general who has just moved to Chicago. Janie “loves to dance” (which she tells her new classmates in a dreamy, faraway voice) and coincidentally that day, Dance TV in Chicago announces a competition to choose two new Dance TV regulars to star on their show. Janie’s love of dancing quickly endears her to “cool girl” Lynne Stone (and she’s gonna change it as soon as she’s old enough). Lynne convinces Janie to go against her fathers wishes and audition for DTV. Lynne’s audition really bombs out and she gets cut from the running, I’m still tossing it up as to whether it was the doing of resident bitch and DTV hopeful, rich girl Natalie Sands paying Lynne’s partner to ambush her or the giant green plastic grasshopper she had on her hat. Ahh, the 80′s were great for all the wrong reasons. Read more…

If they can’t be good, they’d better be quick!

I was always too hard on Corey Haim, and its movies like Fast Getaway 2 that remind me of that. I’d seen this movie years back on VHS (in fact, I think I might actually own it on VHS somewhere – too hard to keep up these days) and it’s not a movie that I would say I’m crazy about, but I did really like it and I’d gladly show it to other Haim fans. So when it came out here on budget priced DVD I believe I couldn’t contain a cry of “SCORE!” and picked it up right away, despite the raised eyebrows of everyone else in the store. I also bought Dream a little Dream 2 for $2.00 on DVD, but that’s a whole other review for another day.

Okay, first off I’ve got to admit that this movie is a sequel and since I have zero knowledge of Fast Getaway I am going to write the review as such. I probably should watch the first film, but it would be kind of hard seeing as I really like Sarah Buxton and on top of that it would be weird knowing that the whole romantic interest angle between whoever the girl is in the first movie and Corey Haim would be totally redundant by the sequel, so therefore pointless. I am well aware that that is a little backwards, but that’s how I roll. But now the movie!

Nelson Potter (Corey Haim) is a immature womanising bank robber – or so it would seem when we are treated to a long scene at the beginning of the film where Nelson takes Patrice (Buxton) hostage after robbing the bank. We soon learn that Patrice knows Nelson and the two are in cahoots. What we don’t yet know is that the pair run a security company and staged the robbery in order to identify the holes in the banks security system to present to the people who hired them, in order to garner the banks business in fixing those holes. Yes, that is pretty ludicrous, since I’m sure the police would love knowing that their resources were tied up for the sake of a security exercise they had no idea about. Read more…

An out-of-this-world, down-to-earth comedy adventure.

This movie is one of those DVD’s that seems to be on constant rotation with about four others in my house. I lose count of the number of times that I have seen it, and even remember renting it from the video store many years ago. Before Jim Carrey got famous and when I was way too young to understand any of the jokes. But it’s bright, flashy and oh-so So-Cal. Everything I hoped Valley Girl would be. Don’t get me wrong, I like Valley Girl, but it’s no Earth Girls are Easy.

What would you do is three weird hairy Aliens landed in your pool, took you on board their ship and couldn’t leave again until your pool was drained and their ship dried out? Well if your from California’s hip 80′s mecca, the San Fernando Valley, you’d feed them pop tarts, shave them down and take them out as dates!

Valerie is in a bit of a bind. Her fiancée just doesn’t seem interested in her anymore. It’s been two weeks since she has had any (ahem) nightlife, and she is starting to think that something may be very wrong, but on the advice of her work colleague and best friend, beautician Candi (I LOVE JULIE BROWN!!) she skips her trip to the nail expo, has a makeover and stays home to ambush her unsuspecting fiancée Ted, who thinking Val will be gone brings home a cute nurse from the emergency room for a little hanky panky. An enraged Val kicks him out, and that’s when the fun starts. Read more…

With dreams like these, who needs reality?

Dream A Little Dream isn’t your average teenage comedy. It’s definitely more on the drama side of things and deals with a lot heavier issues than say, License to Drive. But that doesn’t mean there won’t be moments when you laugh your ass off, and it’s definitely not short of moments that make you smile. Yuck. That makes it sound like Driving Miss Daisy or some shit like that. It’s nothing like that, really. Dream a Little Dream, with all it’s Coreyx2 goodness, is far cooler than that. It’s an odd story that takes some concentration to take in, but I think it’s worth it and that this movie is one of the more original of it’s kind.

Bobby Keller (Feldman) is your stereotypical late 80′s teen. He doesn’t talk to his parents, he’s failing all his classes and uses about a can of mousse a day. During a somewhat comical exchange about random nothings one night with his best friend Dinger (Haim), he admits to him that he has a crush on Lainie Diamond, who not only looks great in a leotard, but also happens to be the girlfriend of their friend Joel, or more specifically, Psycho Joel. Dinger thinks Bobby has a serious death wish, but Bobby can’t help the way he feels – and it’s true; Lainie really does look great in a leotard.

For two people that travel in the same group of friends, Lainie and Bobby have never really had too much to say to each other, but they do share the same route to school every day. Right through the garden of Coleman and Gena Ettinger. Coleman tells Bobby and his friends to stay out of his garden every day without fail, only to have them return the next day to trample his flowers all over again. Coleman is very spiritual and very absorbed in his meditations, to the point where Gena feels the need to mention it to his best friend Ike, in the hopes that he will talk to him. Coleman is working on an experiment that will take him to a plane of existence where dreams are a reality, and then he could live forever. After much pestering he convinces his wife to help him by taking part in the experiment with him. Read more…

She’s Blond, Beautiful and Forever Young

Cherry 2000 is somewhat of a B-Movie staple, that’s why I’m ashamed to admit that the first time I saw it all the way through was last night. We bought it at a DVD bargain sale for about $8.00 (that’s about $6.00 for you Americans), so it was a pretty good deal. The movie itself is highly watchable, with an interesting and quirky story that flows well and doesn’t really do anything to try to shock you.

Cherry 2000 isn’t the name of Melanie Griffiths character, as much as the cover of the DVD and her flame red hair might fool you. Cherry is the robot “wife” of the straight laced Don Johnson-esque Sam Treadwell, from Anaheim. Apparently there is something incredibly hilarious about being from Anaheim, but I just didn’t get the joke. Sam thinks he’s in love with Cherry and at the beginning of the film it seems like he has every right to be. She’s beautiful, caring, smart and most of all subservient and extremely randy. After a romp on the kitchen floor goes awry when the sink overflows, Sam is left with one very waterlogged and non functional Cherry. When he takes her in for repairs he is told that he may never find another Cherry 2000, as they are considerably rare. But there is one chance. Find a tracker by the name of E. Johnson and get them to go into the ominous sounding Robot Graveyard in Zone 7. Although it is extremely dangerous, for love struck Sam, it is the only option.

Sam heads off in search of E. Johnson, expecting a hardened crusty old tracker. When he finds an attractive redhead female, he doesn’t feel that she is up to the job. But when he gets himself in some trouble with some thugs trying to steal Cherry’s highly valuable memory chip he realises he may not have much choice and the two set off in Johnson’s rocket powered Mustang (kickass!). Read more…

I won the Teen Witch Press Kit on eBay about a fortnight ago, and here it is in all it’s gloriously cheesy goodness!

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It will really raise your spirits.

Another day, another beach based T&A flick with another main character named Scotty. Unlike Hardbodies though, Miracle Beach made it’s debut in 1992. But much like Hardbodies, Miracle Beach has strong ties to Playboy TV, being that this was one of only two films ever directed by Skott Snider that wasn’t for Playboy. I guess the guy really knew how to angle a boob shot or something. Ami Dolenz is in this movie being her usual super cute self, and in expected good girl fashion, she does keep her clothes on, although she does look smashing in a bikini. She’s the bikini genie! Ha! So funny. What’s not funny is a film exists with that name. Hrm. I need to find it.

Moving on! Let’s get this movie started! Can you believe that I’m two paragraphs in and I have yet to mention that Scotty McKay is played by Mr Awesome himself, Dean Cameron? There were actually a surprising number of recognisable people on the cast (well, recognisable by me anyway). Not only was Ami Dolenz in this movie (have I mentioned how cute she is?) but also Dean Cain, Pat Morita, Alexis Arquette, Vincent Schiavelli and the fat kid from National Lampoon’s Senior Trip! Right on!

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If you don’t know what they are, you don’t know what you’re missing.

My younger brother (who is just as movie mad as I am, although his choices are seemingly of better quality), picked this up for me with my birthday in a collection pack with Hardbodies 2. I actually watched both movies back to back, and if I had to say that one of them was “better” (and I do use that term quite loosely) I would say that the first one definitely outshines the second. Considering that we are talking mid 80′s T&A flicks here, that must mean that Hardbodies 2 was pretty damn crap. And it was. But I’ll get to that later.

The first ten to fifteen minutes of Hardbodies is a montage of girls on the beach. Stretching, swimming, oiling up and losing their bikini tops in splash fights with their equally endowed friends. It serves to set the scene that California is the place to be if you’re looking for hot girls with loose morals. Moving on, we meet out main man Scotty Palmer. Looks like he’s been getting busy with his girlfriend Kristi (and thus we are introduced to the second of many pairs of breasts that will be viewable throughout the film. I’m talkin a lotta boobage in 90 mins). As Scotty rolls out of bed (my, he certainly was naked under there), we get a better view of his disaster area of an apartment. Clothes strewn about, unwashed dishes… Scotty is the stereotypical lovable slacker. Kristi laughs off his disgustingness, but not before Scotty exits his apartment to discover that not everyone loves a slacker – his landlord has hit him with an eviction notice. He finds his friend Rag down at the beach (Courtney Gains!) and before long Kristi and her friend Kimberly arrive too. That’s when the token fat slob and his gang rock up and terrorize the ladies, and their dog steals Kimberly’s bikini top. (Yes, that did happen). Scotty tricks them into knocking over the bikes of local biker gang, The Gonads, and they hightail it out of there. But maybe they will pop up again later in the film…

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Everything’s admissible in courtship.

I can’t remember how long ago I bought this DVD, but I know it was a while. It was probably cheap, and probably from some big sale or a market stall. Recently, I watched The Stand, and fell head over heels in love with Rob Lowe (how could anyone NOT love Nick Andros?). Then I remembered that I had bought this movie and not watched it. So on it went for a perve… ahem… I mean on it went for an engrossing movie watching experience. Okay, so I’m lying through my teeth. This movie was neither engrossing nor an experience, well at least not a notable one. But you know what? Rob Lowe was damn fine in the 80′s. I don’t think even a viewing of Wayne’s World can thwart the crush this time.

*Note: Speaking of Wayne’s World, as you would all be well aware, in that film Rob Lowe plays the obnoxious, smarmy Benjamin. The anti-Wayne. What you may not realise is the the object of Rob Lowe’s character Richard Dice’s affections in Illegally Yours, Molly, is none other than Colleen Camp. Colleen played Noah Vanderhoff’s somewhat ditzy wife in Wayne’s World. How bout that? Read more…

“She made a promise. He made a bet. They made a dream come true.”

During a game of pool at a popular watering hole, shy, social outcast Mike (Joseph R. Straface) becomes enthralled by virtuous high school beauty, Diane (Stacy Christensen). Enter slimy, slick Brit Randy (Lee Barringer). We’ve already established that he is the villain of the proceedings due to all his sneering and heinously patterned sweaters. Under the impression that “the virgin queen” will succumb to only his charm, Randy proposes a $2,000 wager on the terms that sheepish Mike cannot conquer St. Francis High’s ultimate symbol of chastity and have Diane spend the night with him at the famed Paradise Bungalows. Intent on victory, Mike and his clever accomplice Charles (J.T. Wotton) set out to bag the babe, the money, and to prove the school tough guy wrong.

Following a botched first attempt at attracting Diane’s attention, Mike is plagued by a series of nightmares resembling a fanboy 007 movie. They tend to drag on for a number of minutes and involve endless slow-mo action, toy guns that go “bang” without bullets, shootouts in empty car parks and Diane, sporting a particularly bad perm, kidnapped by Randy, “spy extraordinaire”.

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