Everything’s admissible in courtship.

I can’t remember how long ago I bought this DVD, but I know it was a while. It was probably cheap, and probably from some big sale or a market stall. Recently, I watched The Stand, and fell head over heels in love with Rob Lowe (how could anyone NOT love Nick Andros?). Then I remembered that I had bought this movie and not watched it. So on it went for a perve… ahem… I mean on it went for an engrossing movie watching experience. Okay, so I’m lying through my teeth. This movie was neither engrossing nor an experience, well at least not a notable one. But you know what? Rob Lowe was damn fine in the 80′s. I don’t think even a viewing of Wayne’s World can thwart the crush this time.

*Note: Speaking of Wayne’s World, as you would all be well aware, in that film Rob Lowe plays the obnoxious, smarmy Benjamin. The anti-Wayne. What you may not realise is the the object of Rob Lowe’s character Richard Dice’s affections in Illegally Yours, Molly, is none other than Colleen Camp. Colleen played Noah Vanderhoff’s somewhat ditzy wife in Wayne’s World. How bout that?

Illegally Yours is a little confusing to begin with. Our main character, Richard Dice (Lowe) narrates the goings on from the very beginning surrounding the events leading to a young woman named Molly being put on trial for attempted murder. Unfortunately for Molly, she is a victim of circumstance. She winds up in the wrong place at the wrong time – namely her ex boyfriend’s Donald’s house only minutes after his new girlfriend, Ruth, has committed a murder. Donald, Ruth and the murder victim all worked for an eccentric shipping magnate by the name of Hal Keeler, whose young daughter Suzanne also witnessed the murder while peeking through a window with her strange friend Sharon. The murder victim was no innocent party though, he had been blackmailing everyone at the scene (including Keeler’s daughter) for undisclosed reasons and as a result was being tailed by two dodgy hitmen who were also there to kill him. The murder victim had taped the conversation leading up to his death, and while it had been discovered by the Ruth and Donald, Ruth had dumped it with a pile of tapes belonging to Molly while they dispose of the body. Molly arrives and sweeps through the house wanting to collect the last of her things, taking the incriminating cassette with her. Ruth panics and tries to get the tape back, but Molly insists that all the tapes are hers and storms out the door. Knowing what she has, Ruth tries to hit Molly with her car. Molly pulls a gun on Ruth in self defense and fires, but winds up wounding a passing mailman.

Phew. Are you still with me? That’s the story of how Molly Gilbert wound up on trial for attempted murder. The real crime however, remains a secret. All parties that were either involved with or who witnessed the real murder take place are not saying anything because they all have something to hide. This doesn’t put Molly in a very good position. But even with all this going on, we have yet to meet our main character Richard, nor do we know what his connection is to Molly at all.

Richard, we discover, is a somewhat nerdy, neurotic kinda guy who thought his life was on the right track – that is until he comes home one day to find his live in girlfriend in bed with another man. (I’m sorry, but SAY WHAT?). As the life he knew crumbles around him, Richard packs up and heads back home to the town he grew up in where his mother still lives with his younger brother. Richard decides that now is the time to start a new life, but his plans are thwarted when he discovers that he has dury duty and there is no way out of it. But when Richard arrives in court he is stunned to discover that the woman on trial for attempted murder is none other than his first love and the woman of his dreams – Molly Gilbert. Richard met Molly in the first grade (she was in the sixth) and he never forgot the impact she had on his life. Convinced that fate has brought them back together for a reason, Richard lies when asked if he knew the defendant at all – of course she doesn’t recognise him at all. Convinced that she is innocent, Richard begins following her in an attempt to find out what really happened and prove her innocence.

Proving her innocent for attempted murder ends up being the least of Richard’s problems though as it begins to become clear that Molly’s life is in danger and it has something to do with the cassette tape that she has in her purse. Richard will have to unravel the mystery of the real murder and find out what everyone is hiding if he has any chance at all of keeping Molly out of prison. But even scarier than that – he has to work up the courage to talk to her!

I’d say we end up going through three quarters of the movie before Richard even speaks to Molly – let alone tells her how he knows her. Richard ends up getting himself in loads of trouble in the process, from breaking into the Judge’s house and Keeler’s fort to taking his younger brother hostage to escape the music store with Molly’s tape. Fortunately for Richard, Hal Keeler’s daughter Suzanne seems to want to help him, but she is scared and hiding something too. Time is running out – Richard needs to find the body… and fast!

Seriously, Richard Dice could give Lane Meyer a run for his money in the “everything that can go wrong will go wrong” stakes and he’s even got the weird family to match. Problem after problem seem to arise for poor Richard but he pushes on, never giving up even though he has barely ever spoken to this woman. If he wasn’t so good looking, I would say it was creepy.

Rob Lowe opted to wear his glasses for this role (I believe he is near sighted in real life), and while he appears bespectacled on the VHS cover, his glasses has been photoshopped out for the DVD release. How odd and completely superficial. Did they think that would sell more copies?

Also interesting to note, there are two Elm Street kids in this movie. Kim Myers (Suzanne Keeler) was Lisa in Nightmare on Elm Street 2 and Ira Heiden (Andrew Dice) was Will in Nightmare on Elm Street III.

IMAGES

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SOUNDTRACK

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01. Yesterday Only – Ramon Farran
02. Love Is A Gambler – Johnny Cash
03. The Lady Of Love – Johnny Cash
04. One Wish – Johnny Cash
05. Yesterday Only – Tamara Champlin
06. The Black And White Bus – Hilroy Distin & Antonia Bogdanovich
07. Who Wins – Tamara Champlin
08. When Love Breaks – Steve McClintock
09. Thinking About It – Tamara Champlin & Steve Wood

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