You don’t have a ghost of a chance…

Coincidentally, this movie and my pet rabbit have the same name, and without sounding too harsh, I would just like to say that even though it had it’s vague points of merit, the movie is nowhere near as cool as my rabbit. Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing. Not much is cooler than my rabbit. She’s pretty damn awesome.

Now that’s out of the way, I can continue on with my review. Boo could have been so very much more. I stand whole heartedly for everything this movie attempted to do so much that I nearly did a back flip when I read that it was set in a haunted hospital. A few years back I lived next to an old nursing home/hospital that was being gutted and renovated. It was built (or last renovated) in the sixties. Trudging through there late at night with nothing but a flashlight and a few friends was one of the scariest things I have ever done. Unfortunately for the people making Boo, they just couldn’t seem to capture that creepiness. I’m not sure whether it was the lighting, or the camera angles, but brace yourselves because I don’t say this often – it just didn’t feel real enough.

The story itself was a little bland. Once again, it had a great idea behind it, but felt poorly executed. Jessie, a young teenage girl who lost her mother to cancer, is sensitive to paranormal phenomena – specifically a phone call from her dead mother every Halloween night. Much to the amusement of her so-called friends. Said moronic friends have planned an expedition to the local haunted hospital for some Halloween fun. Despite the fact that many kids may have disappeared after trying the same thing in previous years, none of our youths seem to harbour too much trepidation about their Halloween plans. Jessie has a bad feeling about the place, but considering all her friends do is rag on her about her psychic abilities and visions, none of them take any notice of her. Against her better judgement, Jessie heads inside with them. Read more…

You’ve blown up your neighbor’s mom. Your seven-year-old brother has better luck with women than you do. Your girlfriend has a new boyfriend. Relax, you’re never…

Would you believe that I’m actually afraid of writing this review? I must have seen this movie at least fifty times (and that’s really no exaggeration), but I’ve never plucked up the courage to sit down and write a review for this movie – which I honestly feel is a cinematic masterpiece. If I hadn’t done away with my rating system, this would easily be a five out of five. This movie made me feel like my teenage angst wasn’t so epic after all, and also made me want a Lane Meyer of my very own. Despite what John himself may have to say about his body of work from the 80′s, I adore everything he touched from Say Anything backwards, with this movie being my pick for best John Cusack movie ever. Yes, even better than Sixteen Candles. I said it. Sue me.

Lane Meyer (Cusack) has an unhealthy obsession with his girlfriend Beth (Amanda Wyss). His walls are plastered with her photos – even adorning the coat hangers in his closet, so when she breaks up with him to go out with the captain of the school ski team, Roy Stalin, Lane is considerably upset – to the point where he wishes to end his life, but somehow this comes across as highly comical. Deranged, I know, but Lane’s death wish leads him in to all sorts of odd situations. Read more…

Ronald is making an investment in his senior year. He’s hiring the prettiest cheerleader in school to be his girlfriend.

I can’t believe it has taken me so long to get around to reviewing this, but better late than never. Can’t Buy Me Love is another one of my old faves. I’ve left a worn out VHS in my wake, so I’m glad to have a nice new shiny DVD copy. If you don’t have one, well you should. It’s cheap. There’s really no excuse. For those of you not familiar with the 80′s and the fact that Patrick Dempsey once exuded geek to a level that would rival Anthony Michael Hall, this is a good movie to start your education on. We can move on to Meatballs III later.

Ronald Miller (Patrick Dempsey) is a geek. But that’s okay – he knows the ins and outs of his social status at his school, and he’s sick of it. Years have passed with him sitting back and watching all the cool kids go to parties on the weekends, while he spends his weekends mowing lawns and playing poker games with his equally geeky friends. They don’t seem to think there’s any problems with the way they are, but Ronald yearns for something different. He wants to go to their parties. He wants to eat at their lunch table. He wants to get noticed, but most of all, he wants the beautiful, popular cheerleader Cindy Mancini (Amanda Peterson) to know his name. Read more…

He’s down, but never out.

Dirk Benedict is my new favourite actor, and Body Slam is my new favourite movie. Okay, well maybe the last statement is a stretch, but it really does warm my heart to know that after many, many years of tracking down, buying, watching and reviewing B-Movies, I still find gems like this.

This movie was released in 1987, which would have made me four. Tack on a couple of years for it to reach our sunny shores and I can guarantee you that as a six year old, this would have been the cinematic masterpiece that defined my life. It’s got wrestlers! It’s got Face from the A-Team! It’s got a kid that looks like Punky Brewster! Where on earth is the DVD of this movie? C’mon folks! Circulate it to the masses so we can all witness it’s greatness without having to buy a worn out VHS off eBay. Just like I did.

The fabulous Mr Dirk Benedict (Face from the A-Team, Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica) stars as M. Harry Smilac, a washed up con artist music manager whose mouth is much larger than his clientele. He’s up to his eyeballs in debt with a very unfriendly Korean loan shark, his Ferrari has been repossessed and he’s just about to get evicted from his office. Despite sending him a cheque that would have bounced a week ago, Harry turns to his lawyer Shapiro to help him out. Shapiro agrees to solve all his hassles, provided he help him out with an upcoming benefit concert for a stuffy politician. Harry reluctantly agrees – knowing full well that the only talent he has on his books is a garage glam rock band called Kicks.

Harry heads down to the convention centre anyway to see what he can do, and inadvertently interrupts a meeting between a sleazy booking agent and professional wrestler Quick Rick Roberts (Rowdy Roddy Piper). Harry mistakes Rick for a musical act and offers him his services, only finding out how much trouble he’s really in when Rick’s former manager Captain Lou Murano (Captain Lou Albano – a lot of thought there huh?) turns his goons/tag team champs on to him. Harry doesn’t know the first thing about wrestling and he’s in for a world of hurt.

Meanwhile, Harry still owes Shapiro that favour, and after fudging his way through a small conference regarding exactly what kind of talent he has booked for the benefit, Harry meets Candace, the lovely daughter of the woman he’s organising the benefit for. With a few smooth lines and some dodgy scenarios, he manages to get in Candace’s good graces and with all Harry’s ducking and diving about the show he is supposedly booking, Candace’s mother is less than pleased about it.

Down, but not out, Harry decides to make a go of being a professional wrestling manager. How hard can it be? But in between being chased by Murano’s goons and being called a faggot by a midget on national TV, Harry learns the hard way that this is no east road. Needless to say his benefit gig is a humongous flop, and now Shapiro wants his head, Candace won’t talk to him. Even Kicks think he’s a no good scoundrel. But when Quick Rick and his tag partner Tonga Tom wind up hospitalised after a tag match, he knows he’s hit rock bottom.

Then Harry has an idea. A rock & wrestling tour! Take Kicks and his tag team on the road playing small town venues. It isn’t long before word spreads about this rock & wrestling tour and everyone starts to take notice…even Lou Murano.

I really like the aesthetics in this movie (if you can believe I am am actually looking that far into it). Wrestling is a joke nowadays, but I really love the way that we all used to believe it was real and all the figures were just larger than life. To use a wrestling term if I may, kayfabe, isn’t broken in any way and it’s nice to see a sort of simplicity and fun in wrestling where in this day and ages you have dead wrestlers widows participating in story-lines. Truly tasteless.

Enough of my wrestling bagging though. Dirk Benedict is great as M. Harry Smilac, he’s kind of like a combination of Face and Starbuck with a little less conscience. Candace is actually played by Tanya Roberts, who I’ve previously seen in Beastmaster and on That 70′s show. There’s also a ton of wrestlers floating about in this movie if you look hard enough. I rate it highly, as dumb fun goes – it’s way up there.

IMAGES

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SOUNDTRACK

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1. My Body Keeps Changin My Mind – Moses Tyson Jr.
2. Bad News Travels Fast – Bachman-Turner Overdrive
3. American Way – Kick
4. Takin Care of Business – Bachman-Turner Overdrive
5. Book of Love – Frankie Valli and The Four Seasons
6. Rock n Roll Hearts – Kick
7. Push – Kick
8. Body Slam – Debbie Lytton
9. The Time Is Right – Jimmy Scarlet & The Dimensions

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