November 14, 2009
“She made a promise. He made a bet. They made a dream come true.”
During a game of pool at a popular watering hole, shy, social outcast Mike (Joseph R. Straface) becomes enthralled by virtuous high school beauty, Diane (Stacy Christensen). Enter slimy, slick Brit Randy (Lee Barringer). We’ve already established that he is the villain of the proceedings due to all his sneering and heinously patterned sweaters. Under the impression that “the virgin queen” will succumb to only his charm, Randy proposes a $2,000 wager on the terms that sheepish Mike cannot conquer St. Francis High’s ultimate symbol of chastity and have Diane spend the night with him at the famed Paradise Bungalows. Intent on victory, Mike and his clever accomplice Charles (J.T. Wotton) set out to bag the babe, the money, and to prove the school tough guy wrong.
Following a botched first attempt at attracting Diane’s attention, Mike is plagued by a series of nightmares resembling a fanboy 007 movie. They tend to drag on for a number of minutes and involve endless slow-mo action, toy guns that go “bang” without bullets, shootouts in empty car parks and Diane, sporting a particularly bad perm, kidnapped by Randy, “spy extraordinaire”.
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November 09, 2009
“They’re the two hottest tickets in a red-hot battle of the bands.. and now they’ve got the hots for each other”
Coldwater Canyon and Malibu High are two infamously warring schools on the brink of the biggest war yet: Battle of the Bands. Piper and the Firecats are the talent of Malibu, and in the hours they aren’t jamming in preparation for the contest, they’re running riot in the halls of Coldwater Canyon High. On this particular occasion, Coldwater’s synchronized swim team become the victims of a batch of surgically threaded bathing suits and an unsuspecting history class are taught a lesson in the x-rated antics of modern man! Leaving a long lasting reminder that “Coldwater sucks!”, the devilish dolls make a quick getaway, but not before Piper (Mary Beth Evans) gets a taste of their competition in the form of Racer, an all-guy group fronted by the blue eyed male model type, Rick (Greg Bradford), who she takes an instant liking to.
Back at Malibu, macho muscle monster Godzilla (Frank Zagarino), his wrestle mad sidekick and his slutty metallic pant-wearing girlfriend are scheming to break the bones of any promising opposition of the Firecats to make the battle “fair” for his baby sister Piper. Racer have their priorities set on domination by music video and have the cunning Jeff (Don Michael Paul) audition possible talent in various states of undress after a riotous prank in the cafeteria involving a dubiously crude “ancient Chinese artifact”.
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November 08, 2009
“They’re way over the limit.. and speeding into trouble!”
Alfred E. Hamilton High is a school with not a great deal of merit to its name. Principal Paulson (Ray Walston), a sporting nut with a high regard for his school’s physical education program, is carrying the burden of his career in his hands: citywide test scores. And the root cause of the academic failures at Hamilton is down to one particular class of underachievers, or so Paulson believes. Driver’s ed, taught by the weary and recently divorced Larry Pearle. With the threat of the sports program being scrapped because of Hamilton High’s drooping test averages, Principal Paulson lays down the law, giving Pearle six weeks to shape up or ship out. Unfortunately, his new class of zany and mismatched misfits are going to ensure this semester is the bumpiest ride of their lives!
With nothing in common but the inability to handle the wheel of a motor vehicle, many of Pearle’s students are undergoing driver’s ed for the second and third time. Consisting of Kichi (B.D. Wong), a brash Japanese kid with a wiseguy attitude and tendency to rap his way in and out of situations; prissy new girl Vanessa Crawford (Alyssa Milano) whose interests span all the way from hair to makeup; audacious “crash ‘em, bash ‘em and smash ‘em” girl chaser Riko Konner (Brian Bloom); mousy and boyish future truck driver Alice Santini (Tina Yothers); dimwitted jockstrap J.J. Maslanksi (Nathan Dyer); often taunted geek of the gang Chad Bennett (Rob Stone) and pretentious foreign mobster’s daughter Maria Abeja (Olivia d’Abo). The slackers get more than they bargained for when Principal Paulson employs the most merciless woman in the business, Edna Savage (Jackée Harry) as assistant teacher, leaving Pearle in fear of losing his job and the kids fearing for their lives!
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November 04, 2009
“Go undercover in the battle of the sexes”
Bobby (Jonathan Silverman) is an honourable college freshman on a crusade to become his own man and stop living in his father’s shadow. He and his buddy Mike (George Newbern) agree that joining the most illustrious fraternity on campus will help them make names for themselves and rid Bobby of this supposed image that he feels he has to live up to. The frat boys have other ideas. They assign Bobby as the leader of the pledge class in recognition of his father’s achievements, naming him as the “sprouting embryo” of his father; his “twig”. They conclude that as head of the pledges, Bobby must show them the way so that they eventually become “twigs” just like him. Twigs? Who knew fraternity life was so sophisticated?
Recycling pick-up lines directly from his father’s book of love, Bobby learns that comparing eyes to “hot wax on a Buick” is a fast track to failure when he unsuccessfully woos a sorority girl at a party. A day later, he and Mike lay eyes on the commonly lusted-after Diana (Alyssa Milano), who is in the midst of a row with her long term boyfriend – widely known womanizer and jerk, Derry. Disregarding the failing advice of his father, Bobby approaches Diana but is shot down when she immediately returns to the cheating arms of her boyfriend. Luck is in short supply for Bobby when he again meets the girl from the party, who happens to be on the class enrollment staff, and in the hope she’ll sneak his name down for a course which is full, butters her up with some sweet talk. To his bewilderment, he is the only male in the class and is flabbergasted to learn he has been enrolled to study the sociological impact of women in history.
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November 02, 2009
“Giving nature a bad name”
Three best girlfriends Marsha (Isabelle Mejias), Eve (Kim Myers) and Linnie (Jennifer Inch), set off in their convertible to Weewankah State Park in search of fun, adventure and romance before college starts up in the fall. On a rest-stop during their journey to L.A. are musicians Johnny (Peter Virgile) and Louis (Louis Tucci), two heavy-metallers who sport more studs than all the dog collars in a pet store and more make-up than the three girls put together. The sight of the boys does little to impress Marsha who is of the opinion that any and all “disgusting, lowlife” heavy metallers should be banned from the park.
Meanwhile, crooked developer Mr Rancewell is securing his plans to demolish the park and turn the site into a pesticide factory – something easier said than done thanks to the notorious Weewankah Willy, a mysterious unknown in a bear suit who does all that he can to ransack Rancewell’s project.
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October 30, 2009
“They thought vampires were a joke!”
It’s the final day of school before the big October 31st bash at the old Cavender house. Resident brain Phil Grenville (Lee Montgomery) – who is patently good-looking even while donning the geeky specs – is preparing his class report on, rather appropriately, Halloween. The ghoulish holiday of All Hallow’s Eve holds more significance to the townsfolk of Pitchford – or Pitchfork – Cove than your usual sleepy American town, Phil explains. Three hundred years ago to the day, one of the most powerful witches who ever lived – Lucinda Cavender – brought a terrible curse upon the town, releasing “all of the legendary demons of hell” and bringing “the dead with unfinished business back from the grave”. And it was Phil’s very own great-great-great-great grandfather, known as the Witch Hunter General, who put a stop to the madness, hanging the witch in the town square just hours later. But it isn’t only Phil with intriguing ancestors. Classmate Melissa (Shari Belfonte) happens to be the great-granddaughter of Lucinda herself. If that doesn’t sound like trouble enough then just you wait..
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October 25, 2009
“There’s a time in everyone’s life that changes them forever. For six friends, it’s this summer.”
The year is 1959, the place; Hawaii. Summer vacation has just begun and a handful of very different families are headed to the island to spend the next few weeks in the sunshine. What none of them yet realize is just how big a part they will each play in one another’s lives, and that by the time their stay draws to a close they will always remember the summer of ’59.
The film largely follows shy teenager Mike Tognetti (Chris Makepeace), whose family have just arrived at the “Paradise Inn” – a hotel that doesn’t quite live up to its name. To kill his blues, Mike heads for the beach and in his hunt for sea and sand, meets Chuck Granville (Don Michael Paul), a self-confident ladies man who quickly finds use for Mike’s camera and all of the surrounding bikini-clad beach babes. Smooth-talking Chuck persuades the girls to join them for a get-together later that night, which is when they meet a group of local teens who at first do not greet the Americans with much welcome. “There’s no room for you here – go back to the mainland, haole!”. Nevertheless, Mike and Chuck become friends with two of the group; surfers Jerry and Kilarney, who are eager to pass their wave-riding skills onto their new found pals. Surfing is what introduces the guys to Scott and Kenzo – the final two members of their summer gang.
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September 14, 2009
“It was the ’60s! And even the good girls knew that O.D. meant Ocean Drive..”
Various teenaged thirty-somethings – a gang of girls from “Leon College” and a group of lads from “A Great Southern University (not the one you think)” – head off to the infamous Ocean Drive for a weekend of drinking, dancing, and whatever else kids in the ’60s did for fun. If they were anything like our protagonists in Ocean Drive Weekend, it seems they didn’t do much at all.
Jeanie is feeling lovestruck, hung up on her ex-boyfriend Danny, much to her best friend Linda’s dissatisfaction. “Ah hell, let’s not start that again – Danny is the biggest slug in North America!”.
Next we’ve got Alan; the kid so desperate not to be drafted that he is willing to shoot a hole in his foot to prevent the inevitable. His pal Kirk is the funnyman of the bunch, having earlier stolen a motorbike and somehow lost it in the sea, to his amusement.
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September 03, 2009
“Get it off at.. The Bikini Shop”
When the wealthy owner of a beach-front bikini shop goes out to ride some late night waves and never returns, her assets must be dished out to her two nephews, the serious-minded college-grad Alan (Michael David Wright) and the fun-loving cheeky chap Todd (Bruce Greenwood). The brothers couldn’t be more different; Alan is on the verge of marrying the daughter of an influential businessman, while carefree Todd is only occupied by his newly acquired ticket to paradise. Problems arise when the brothers must agree on what to do with their inheritance, which now includes swanky condo on the beach. Upon arrival at the house, Alan, briefcase in hand, is set to have it all sold and a deal sealed before the end of summer. Todd, on the other hand, has already made himself a permanent fixture.
It isn’t until the boys are introduced to Ida’s Bikini Shop that opinions really begin to clash. Surrounded by half-naked women and three beautiful salesgirls – Ronnie, Cindy and Kathy – Todd is in heaven. “I think i’ve found my calling”, he chimes. Alan still only has one thing on his mind and unlike his brother, it isn’t skin! And it becomes all the more evident over the days to come when, to his horror, Alan discovers the new two-way “safety” mirrors that have been installed in the changing rooms for his brothers’ convenience! Todd also manages to scare off the first prospective buyers when it is revealed that the store has been in debt for years. But bad things really do come in threes for Alan as the salesgirls from the store turn up on the doorstep of the condo carrying boxes and on instruction from Todd, move in with the guys. Whatever will Alan’s bratty wife-to-be back in Chicago say about this? Especially since he and brunette beaut Ronnie begin to hit it off..
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September 01, 2009
“Where anything you want is everything you get”
The fat kid, the nerd, the wannabe comedian and the cool kid who travels with only a suitcase full of rubber johnnies. For the next 90 minutes, the mayhem and mischief is on them, as they begin their summer jobs at a luxury Caribbean beach resort. Cut to the pudgy and dis-likable owner of
Royal St. Kitts and his scary managerial sidekick, who are ready to enforce a “maximum discipline” regime upon the new staff. With only one thing on their minds, the lads are unimpressed when they are descended upon by the raging manager, Mr Martin, who orders them to put their little peckers on hold or face the consequences. The idea of not getting laid for the entire summer isn’t well-received. “Weren’t you in a movie with Fay Wray?!”, the kids joke.
Among the first guests to arrive are a wacky elderly couple, a sex-crazed guy and gal who are busy bonking in every scene we see them in, a couple of good-looking broads, and lastly (and most ghastly!), a busload of preppies from Ramsey college rowing squad. Calling themselves “The Typhoons”, the repulsively snooty team get a taste of their own medicine when the lads on staff are required to move their luggage upstairs.. And move it they do – right over the balcony! And so begins a long-running war between the Ramsey college rats and our four central characters.
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“She made a promise. He made a bet. They made a dream come true.”
